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| Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch. Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team? A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. Q: What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde? A: He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says "Are you done already?" The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde? A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shower? A: A shower has to be turned on to get wet. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? A: Your job still sucks after 6 months. Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet? A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo." Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A: Not everybody has been in a limo. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball. A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke. A4: You don't eat your bowling ball Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York? A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? A: Lipstick. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on black holes. Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds." Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?? A: Because they can understand them. Q: Why do blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture. Q: Why do blondes always drink with straws? A: Practice. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it! Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A1: Because they don't know any better. A2: They are easier to keep amused. A3: Because they are easier to find in the dark. Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry? A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex! Q: Why do blondes have legs? A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground. A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen. A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails. Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? A: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo. A2: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits. Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm? A: *Who cares?* Q: Why do blondes have periods? A: They deserve them Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons? A: From dating blonde men. Q: What does the postcard from a blond's vacation say? A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I? Q: What do a blonde and a good beer have in common? A: They both go down easy. Q: What does a blonde and a tampon have in common? A: They're both stuck up c*nts! Q: Why do blondes wear tampons? A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!! Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover up the valve stem. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ? A: Wishful Thinking. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes go in first. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts? A: Tits go in front. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering? A: More head room. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room. Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ? A: So they know when to stop having sex ! Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? A: They make good ankle warmers. Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada) A: Because they can spell it. Q: What is 74 to a blonde? A: 69 plus G.S.T. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A: Because red means stop. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick? A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings? A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A1: They can't remember the number. A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1". Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? A: Cause their balls show! Q: Why don't blonds breast feed? A: Because they always burn their niples. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? A: They chip their teeth. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces themself. A2: Walks home. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond? A: Bucket seats. Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex? A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate? Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: "What's a lightbulb?" A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!" Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!" Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747? A: Not everyone has been in a 747 Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes? A: A brunette with bad breath. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. A2: None of them, three don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A1: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions. A2: The brunette. The blonde is such an air head. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche? A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend. Q: What's the difference between a blond and an ice cream cone? A: Ice cream cones don't lick back. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? A: Butter is difficult to spread. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"? A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic". Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? A: "Nice tits!" Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common? A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? A: Pack their lunch and send them to work. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth? A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine? Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common? A: They both get easier to pick-up with age. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? A1: They both have a black box. A2: Both have a cockpit. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change. Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!" Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair? A: They pull up their pants. Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair? A: Last years hide and go seek winner. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A whine cellar. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? A: Air bubbles. Q: What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections? A: A whine and cheese party! Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner? A: 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, not for a zillion bucks, 4 bucks! Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian? A: A waste. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? A: An air mattress. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An Air Bag. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A: Divorcee' Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? A: All you can eat, under a buck. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter. Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ? A: Sweet Fuck All... Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes? A: Bobbing for Bimbos. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A Space Invader. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager. Q: What do you call a smart blond? A1: A golden retriever. A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? A: The back of her head. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do... Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes? A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common? A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A1: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter. A2: You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer." Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the (..............)? insert team name here. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common? A: They both wriggle when you eat them. Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots. Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass? A: A brain tumor. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down? A: Two brunettes. Q: What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in common? A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev? A: He knows who the ten men were. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies? A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit. Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date. A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer? A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..." Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? A: Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!? R: I don't know. A: Neither did she. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU? A: Too many blondes were drowning. Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq? A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? A: She realized she gave her last blowjob. Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs? A: Because that's what they train for all their lives. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK". Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper? A: So she could lip read. Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Neither could the blondes. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian? A: Because she loved children. Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ?? A: She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period. Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie? A: She liked to be filled with cream. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home? A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just dyed her hair. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts? A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor. Q: WHATS THE DIFFERANCE BETWEEN A FRIDGE AND A FANNY? A: A FRIDGE DOSN'T FART WHEN YOU TAKE THE MEAT OUT. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Q: Why does it work? A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?" Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip? A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay). Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery? A: Ever-ready. Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....? A: A blond doing cartwheels. Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort. Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? A: A vacant possession. Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ? A: She wasn't used to the front seat! Q: Why did she finally pass her test? A: She took the examiner with her Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: She missed the Earth! Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant? A: She blew it both times! Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common? A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one. Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige? A: Lipstick on the cucumbers! Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common? A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win Q: Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous? A: Who cares Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? A: About 2 cans of hair spray Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? A: Pick them up off the floor Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.? A: Nail polish! (Appendix: For those of you who are Brits, the A.C.T. is a College entrance examination. Highest score possible is 36. Average is about 18-20, I think.) (Visual Joke) Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time? A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions) Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? A: One. Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road? A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . . Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: Why do blondes occupy about |
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