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| The Top 15 New Problems for Mike Tyson |
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| After Mike Tyson's little ear-biting episode, he's got a few things troubling him: 15. Fight controversy may adversely affect pro wrestling career. 14. Upcoming TV special with Martha Stewart in doubt. 13. That constant ringing in his mouth. 12. Spock vs. Tyson bout hastily canceled. 11. Can't decide between the Crest & Colgate endorsement deals. 10. Kids really start to freak out whenever he tries to play "Got Your Nose." 9. New nickname of "Nipsy" less intimidating than "Iron Mike." 8. Has absolutely no idea how to handle his next opponent, Vinny "No Ears" Bottatucci. 7. Nobel people called -- they want their peace prize back. 6. Saturday: Bite some guy's ear off. Sunday: Ozzy Osbourne won't stop pestering you to go for a drink. 5. Willing opponents now down to Vincent Van Gogh and J. Paul Getty, Jr. 4. Don King, fearing a loss of credibility, ups commission from 98% to 99% 3. ASPCA has yet to approve match with Marmaduke. 2. He's starting to make O.J. look respectable. And the Number 1 New Problem for Mike Tyson... 1. Recurring fantasies about Ross Perot and Prince Charles. |
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